LAST MONTH, I joined a workshop called The Power of Narratives. About 15 of us gathered in one room — psychologists, professors, researchers, social workers, teachers, an actress, and even a politician. I was eager to learn new techniques in narrative writing, so I readied my pen and paper.
But the session took an unexpected turn when the facilitator asked us to share a personal breakthrough story. So, there’s no scholastic exercise but only spontaneous storytelling.
As I listened to others’ stories of resilience and transformation, I also thought to myself, what breakthrough could I share? I searched my heart, and slowly, a story surfaced: one that had been quietly shaping me for decades.
The season of giving
I grew up an achiever, driven by dreams of a career, a house, and a car. But when I embraced my calling as a pastor’s wife, those ambitions shifted. Soon, children came, and my life became a rhythm of service: raising and homeschooling three children, moving from city to city, even from country to country, wherever my husband’s vocation led. My days were filled with cooking, laundry, cleaning, and the endless mess of young children.
There is a term in Sociology called role engulfment. It happens when one role consumes the self, overshadowing all other aspects of one’s life. I was always on the giving end, and gradually, I lost sight of myself. Even in my dreams, I was no longer the main character. I accepted this as destiny, believing my life would always be defined by service.
The empty nest moment
But seasons change. Children grow, and one day, they begin to live lives of their own. The house quiets, and the mother who once orchestrated every detail suddenly faces silence. For me, this was both unsettling and liberating.
Without the constant demands of caregiving, I began to ask: What now? What remains when the role of mother recedes? Psychologists describe this as a liminal stage. It is a moment of transition when a person leaves a role but has not figured out what’s next. For me, it was the beginning of rediscovery.
Rediscovering myself
In that newfound space, I began to reclaim passions long set aside. The languages I had learned while serving in different cultures opened doors to a career as a foreign language instructor. The stories I had gathered from years of service and travel became materials for writing.
The exposures I gained widened my perspective and deepened my understanding. This was not a return to the old self but the emergence of a wiser, tempered version. My breakthrough was not simply about finding myself again, but about finding a fuller, richer self, shaped by years of service, sacrifice, and resilience.
Balancing service and self
The lesson I carry is this: service and self are not opposites. To lose oneself in service is natural, even noble. But to find oneself again is necessary. A mother who reclaims her identity models strength for her children. She shows that love for family and love for self can coexist, each enriching the other.
My breakthrough story is about losing myself and finding myself again. Motherhood, vocation, and service did not erase me; they refined me. And now, as I step into new roles: teacher, writer, mentor, I carry the wisdom of those years.
Closing reflection
A wise king once said, “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens” (Ecclesiastes 3:1). Service has its season, and so does renewal. The call to serve others is inseparable from the call to care for oneself; as it is written, “Love your neighbor as yourself” (Mark 12:31).
To mothers who feel lost in service: take heart. The season of rediscovery will come, and when it does, you may find yourself not diminished, but fuller, richer, and more alive than ever.
Ruth Sitchon Morales is a full-time instructor at a state university in Mindanao, specializing in foreign language education. She is a resource speaker, freelance writer, and textbook author, and is currently pursuing doctoral studies in applied linguistics. Along with her husband and their three children, Ruth served as an ESL teacher and a cross-cultural worker in China, Malaysia, Thailand, and Africa. Her formal studies in foreign languages, enriched by immersion in diverse foreign and local cultures, have given her a broad perspective on life and a wealth of stories to share with her readers.
