IT’S NOT always often that a particular passage, in whatever one has read recently, gets you to check and to read it again.
There is one that actually did. It started with “Stop being nice at the expense of being real.” _ And then later, that one-liner was followed up by its conclusion… “Be kind enough to tell the truth…”
So, being nice and being kind are miles apart. As you see, this is what I have noticed in everyday conversations, especially among us Pinoys.
Why is it whenever confronted with a direct question, for example, “have I hurt you?” no matter how calmly it is posed, “No, I’m okay” is often the template reply?
Apply and transpose this to any situation and one gets the same reaction, most of the time. This could be one reason why, most often also, we resort to divulging to other people what we really feel.
Usually, these people are those whom we would rather open up to, or whom we are more comfortable with… other than the one concerned (who may or may not have actually offended us in the first place). Nobody has ever said that we were ever direct as a people.
It’s almost like second nature, being quite adept at concealing what we feel or how we are doing at the moment.
I remember a Swiss friend, whom we have interacted with quite regularly in the past and he had said this of us generally.
Although not in the negative and dodgy sense, the tendency for many among us to be such, lies much on being conscious enough to not offend, and being careful and protecting enough not to be offended.
The Swiss-o had intimated, at times, it’s difficult for other people to see through us, most especially on matters of either work or personal dealings.
This is also why, whenever I read or hear about other races fondly referring to us as a smiling people, I do not view such as complimentary or a reason to be happy about. If they only knew.
On the matter of ‘being real,’ to be direct with how one feels or saying what is really on our mind, is often construed as rude.
Other people and those among us even, perceive being brutally honest or close to it, as bad manners.
Whenever someone, on the other hand, tries to lay what you’ve on your mind gently, it’s either received as being sarcastic or being patronizing.
So what’s it to be, finally? “Stop being nice at the expense of being real” and “Be kind enough to tell the truth”, need not be like rocket science.
Before worrying about laying it on too thickly, why not just jumble them all up and just simply come up with “be honest. ”
At least, I try to be when I’m with really difficult people. At these times, honesty means my tongue hasn’t fully decided yet, on which cheek it should rest.
