MORE OFTEN than not, there is this strange paradox playing in your mind while being tasked with something to do for the first time. For one, you’re almost like a child again, feeling totally ignorant but a little excited just the same.
Somehow, you feel that at the end of this, no matter whatever heap of uncertainties, you will have learned something new at the same time. A sense of hesitation is the tell-tale sign written in as many faces before you, and you are aware of this.
You quite have an idea that no matter how terrified you may feel at the first step, you’ll be boasting about accomplishing your task later on and how brave you were at that.
How I chanced upon this thought, I recall a scene long ago in our family compound many years ago.
One of our nephews’ better halves, a nurse, had set up a small clinic with several beds as a maternity facility for nearby residents. However, during one particular day, I noticed there was a long line of young boys at the entrance, our younger nephews and grandchildren included, who were scheduled to be circumcised.
On each of their faces was written a different story. Some were blank as though resigned to whatever was about to happen, others were overly anxious and fidgety, with a few constantly trying to peep through the clinic’s windows, hoping to catch a glimpse of the procedures going on inside.
There was no panic overall, but a semblance of fear was clearly in the air, especially when they witnessed those who emerged from the door, done with the operation, with their oversized shirts concealing a bandaged member.
What was written on the faces of those who were through was a certain degree of both triumph and relief, with a growing bravado to boot, with which to boast before the awed and curious audience outside. “It’s no big deal,” that was the common one-liner, and this was gladly taken in by the small group of children. Until it was their turn…
In another memory, I’m reminded of a high school Sing-Out song where it says nothing is free. One has to pay a price or a sacrifice in order to get anything done. Truly, that is the lifelong paradox at play.
For the boys, before one heals, one needs to suffer. If anything in life proves to be difficult, then that probably matters and most surely has meaning.
All transitions are messy, and not to wax poetic, changes break who you are, to make room for who you’re meant to be. This process of becoming is life’s machine, it’s matrix, if you will. Like it or not, it’s where you need to be.
