FOR MUCH of our lives, my elder brother and I have never really talked, say, compared to the way close friends or besties would.
Of course, there were always the ordinarily trivial things we would, on occasions, small-talk about.
Even then, these casual conversations were often punctuated by mild to medium degrees of disagreement which, on second thought, we’re just silly, now that I recall some of them.
In all, that is already saying a lot right there. In contrast to the small-talk civility that mostly defined the relationship between us siblings, there was the air of not minding each other’s business, which, on the whole, was borne of perhaps a compromise of sorts, or a formality, or a matter of mutual choice.
One thing for sure, one reason for this was the age gap since five years separated us. If this were transposed into school years, there was simply no way we could ever be present in one school assembly at the same time. He was just simply from another, much-older, batch, distantly from another time entirely.
Of all nine of us siblings, he was the eldest, the top dog and thus the alpha. A wide gap separated us from him and my elder sister, who was four years ahead of me.
Thus further down the line, those younger were just simply alienated from their world and different in a way. Never mind that he was apart from us growing up, his (and my sister’s) social spheres were different. Growing up, we naturally didn’t mind that at all.
We were aloof to their world mainly because we had our own to enjoy. Through the years, each of us eventually went our own way to build our own nests and drifted apart in the further pursuit of our little lives.
Despite this, the bonds of the family remained, though now limited to weekend visits and special occasions.
With these hedges firmed up by time, we have become like a beehive, independent units of a bigger whole, with separate families breathing within each.
Despite these, the bond imprinted on all by our hardy parents, had stayed on. In this setting, I have thus watched from afar, how he had groomed his own young brood. And then much later, how he had doted on his grandchildren and great-grandchildren.
At this, it had slowly dawned on me that however in the past he may have been detached from us, his younger brothers and sister, his caring side as both father and granddad during the later years, was the more weighty element of measure.
When he passed away, I just wished he could have heard all the tribute he has gotten from his beloved children and grandchildren.
At best, these were the perfect reflection of the love he had given them, manifested through nightly goodnight phone calls, occasional life lessons or even perfect attendance in school activities.
For this alpha at the end of his journey, he had definitely not missed out on our mum’s one special request, which was to be kind.
Despite everything between us, that makes all the difference.
