“ADULTING” has become a popular term among the younger generation, first noted as early as 1921, but widely popularized in the 2010s through social media and Kelly Williams Brown’s book Adulting: How to Become a Grown-Up in 468 Easy(ish) Steps, to describe the transition into maturity: paying bills, making decisions, and taking responsibility for one’s life. For parents, this stage is both rewarding and challenging. Parenting adult children requires wisdom: drawing boundaries, guiding without overstepping, and giving wings while keeping them grounded.
My youngest daughter just moved into her rental studio apartment close to her workplace in a big city. I am as excited as she is, watching her step into independence, yet I cannot stop thinking about her living alone.
At the same time, my other daughter just got proposed to, a milestone that fills our family with joy and anticipation. Although we joked about keeping her until she’s 30, we knew we couldn’t do that once she decided to say yes to the man she’s going to marry. These moments remind me that parenting adult children is a journey of release and trust. As the saying goes, “children are arrows in a warrior’s hand” (Psalm 127:4). Arrows are meant to be released, not kept in the quiver forever.
Drawing boundaries
Early in our marriage, my husband and I agreed on the same vision for our new family. It was then that we also clarified boundaries for our children. Boundaries are not barriers. They are like fences we build around our house. They are not limitations but protections. They are fences of love, not walls of control.
When children are growing up, these fences are for them, guiding and keeping them safe. But then I realized these fences have also become ours, reminding us as parents not to cross the line. Boundaries are markers that define where responsibility begins and ends. Boundaries also protect relationships. They allow parents to shift from managers to mentors, offering wisdom without micromanaging.
Guiding without overstepping
Guidance doesn’t end when children turn eighteen. One Proverb reminds us to train up a child (22:6), but training looks different in adulthood. It’s less about instruction and more about influence. Parents guide through prayer, encouragement, listening, and example.
Overstepping, such as by imposing opinions or manipulating choices, can fracture trust. Instead, guidance should be gentle, like a hand on the shoulder rather than a grip on the arm. Adult children thrive when they know their parents trust them to navigate life, even through mistakes.
Giving wings but keeping them grounded
The tension every parent feels is between letting go and holding on. Wings symbolize freedom, the ability to pursue careers, relationships, and vocations. Roots symbolize grounding in values and resilience. Parents give wings by affirming independence and celebrating milestones. They keep children grounded by reminding them of their heritage, the lessons learned, and the strength of family ties. Too much wing without root leads to instability; too much root without wing leads to stagnation or, worse, suffocation.
Releasing as an act of trust
Parenting adult children is less about holding on tightly and more about letting go gracefully. It means listening more than lecturing, supporting more than steering, and trusting more than worrying. Parents can rest in the assurance that giving wings while keeping children grounded is the art of parenting in adulthood: a balance of freedom and foundation. Releasing a child is also a call to trust God, believing that the guidance and prayers sown will bear fruit under His care.
Ruth Sitchon Morales is a full-time instructor at a state university in Mindanao, specializing in foreign language education. She is a resource speaker, freelance writer, and textbook author, and is currently pursuing doctoral studies in applied linguistics. Along with her husband and their three children, Ruth served as a cross-cultural worker and as an ESL teacher in China, Malaysia, Thailand, and Africa. Her formal studies in foreign languages, enriched by immersion in diverse foreign and local cultures, have given her a broad perspective on life and a wealth of stories to share with her readers.
