MANY A time, when we lose a friend, the natural inclination of those who knew him is to sit around and swap lighter moments they once shared with the person.
It’s no social science but I reckon, it’s a sub-ritual that’s become a part of our grieving process. A mechanism perhaps, at easing and cushioning the pain with much happier memories.
I once recall talking about this with an Aussie from Perth and he said that it was quite disturbing.
He pointed this out as though it were a peculiar custom in our country of smiling people. I reminded him this must also be true with the rest of the world and that, to a certain degree, it does not belittle or make light of our loss.
This likewise reminds me so much of the nervous laughter which escapes us whenever less unfortunate events befall us.
It’s common to hear, “Galawgawa uy!” (or ‘darn it’ in English) during such occasions and I’m guessing, everyone’s no stranger to a mild derogative or two whenever such light mishaps happen. Smiling, my behind.
I once wrote that we badly needed a degree of gratefulness in all that life throws at us. Adding the kitchen sink may be a poor attempt at humor but that’s just what it is, a poor excuse to be light.
The truth of the matter is, we have no other recourse but to continue on…unless we decide on the sadder route.
Time and again, rants by people during trying episodes appear as glaring blips on their social media posts, and we understand.
It’s easier said than done to say, one needs a clear head and not a raging bull attitude when processing some difficulties.
But a choice is involved here: it’s either one spends all our days dwelling on our misfortunes or we hold out and win through, finding a way to accept what’s been dealt us and trod on.
One way, my matey always reminds me, the company one keeps also has a play on how you express yourself.
If you go with the grouchy crowds, you live and breathe the grouchy air. Chances are, you’ll also be adopting how they handle their load.
In turn, if you run with only happy and positive people, it’s only a positive aura that will influence your being. New world thinking perhaps, but I guess that’s part of the help kit.
So, looking back, sitting idly and recalling happier times at a dear friend’s wake is actually both a gratitude and a celebration.
Gratitude because even for a brief moment, we’ve shared some wonderful times, most of which he had gladly given us.
With that comes celebration because despite their leaving us, we’re reminded dark clouds are but temporary and surely, better days must be ahead.
Just good vibes all around, even in the presence of sadness.
