There is this interesting perspective attributed to English essayist, Nicolas John wherein he states, in order to be rid of what other people think one must do, aim to be either invisible to them or just become unpopular. In his words, “one must develop the ability to be disliked in order to free yourself from the prison of other people’s opinions.” Incidentally, there’s a similar idea, in a book by Ichiro Kishimi, The Courage to Be Disliked, which at first, appears to be Buddhist in a sense but is actually the common mindset among deviants in our do-this-don’t-do-that society. In it, Ichiro intimates clearly, “do not live to satisfy the expectations of others.”
“Truth be told, the opinions of others do not in any way define your worth. Fall seven, rise up eight.”
I’m reminded of a childhood story I heard of a farmer and his boy on their way to market to sell their carabao (water buffalo). An onlooker said ‘how cruel of the father, letting his poor boy walk the rugged path when they could both ride the buffalo’. Thinking that was indeed less tiring for them, they proceeded to enjoy the comfort of their ride. On the next curb however they encountered another passer-by who commented, ‘poor beast, burdened daily by farm duties, now made to bear two heavy bodies’. Upon hearing this, they immediately jumped away from the buffalo and proceeded on foot. As one might have guessed, there’s a sequence where the boy alone rides, (selfish boy, riding comfortably while his father tires), then another sequence where the father alone rides (cruel father punishing his young son) and all these are dependent on what roadside people they meet along the road say. The tale ends as it started, all three walking until they reach their destination, with the farmer and his boy perhaps a bit wiser about listening to others.
In life, it’s natural we often feel pressured to follow the opinions of others. Especially for the younger versions of us, the forces of validation, approval and acceptance are strong as they are important. Just as both writers hint at, there will be moments we unconsciously allow ourselves to become “prisoners” of opinions. Budol baby. Thus, when at last we’ve managed to break free from these and thereby arrive at our own decision, the risk of being unpopular or being disliked, that’s a start in the right direction. Truth be told, the opinions of others do not in any way define your worth. Fall seven, rise up eight.
